Yesterday was a very special day. My best friend, Enrique, got engaged! I am so happy for him and his fiancé, Alexi. They met in Karate class in high school, but I never really got to know her.
Before, when I was in my accident, I was drugged up to the point I couldn’t remember things or stay awake. But now, I feel like everything is good and I can start being there for them. Next year is his marriage and I am really excited!

I’ve known Enrique since we were in middle school, so that makes it about 7 years. He has always been there for me and never once left my side. Even with my meds, changing personality, hospital and my depression. He never turned his back on me. So now I want to be there for him because frankly, I think he only has me too (besides his family of course).

He is getting married young, but I support his decision and I wish him all the love and happiness with Alexi.

Here’s my outfit

The headband and dress is from ASOS
The shoes are from Folkster

The Moonstone ring is from DruzyDreams

A funny thing that is. It is something I can’t escape from and I don’t think I ever will. I did a video a few months ago about how it felt to be depressed and have PTSD. Now its how it feels to be Bipolar and have PTSD.
How can a simple train derailment cause so much damage to my life? I am so screwed up. I am unable to return to school, I am ‘trying’ to be a fashion blogger, something like that.
I want to change my life, but the chains attached to me prevent that. Most of these chains are imaginary and exist in my mind.
I want to be someone else. Someone who is put together and is happy. Someone who can be like other girls who seem to have it easy. They put their life out there (instagram) and instantly they become god’s and goddesses of the internet. I find myself comparing my life to others and I don’t know why I can’t stop. I want to love my life. I want to go out and experience the world and have many friends. I want to travel to the city with ease and be a ball full of energy. Like I used to be.
Here I am, a 19 (soon to be 20) year-old woman who suffers from Bipolar disorder and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, who stays at home and goes for the everyday walk to keep her sane. Doped up with meds, to keep her docile and from trying to kill herself.
In writing, reading what I have just wrote brings me to tears. I will never be used to saying how far I have fallen.
I was a healthy, happy teenager going to school, clawing for an A. That’s it.

Usually this 'woe is me’ type story isn’t my thing. I usually bite the bullet (emotions) and with honesty I say whats on my mind.

Right now, I feel nauseous and tired. I’ve been tired for the past 4 months. The whole summer I did nothing. I can’t even do decent videos because I look and feel like a mess.
My imagination and creative juices are running out. These meds burn me out.

I named this post, 'My Experience with Mental Illness,’ because this is my a year and a half of my trials and tribulations of becoming Bipolar and coping with PTSD.

Price range is iffy
Cute + Basic
Simplistic
Trendy

Here it is, the big one. I have shopped at American Apparel various times over the past 2 years, and now I hear they are going out of business? Were their prices too high or their style was out of trend? Recently with the rise of Instagram stars, American Apparel rode the wave.
I believe it to be ‘home made’ with it being born and raised in LA. They are a true American brand.

With the rumors of the end of this close to home brand, many seem to be happy.
Was my view clouded with the trendiness and appeal to be in style? Probably.
Complaints range from their overly prices clothing to the fact that their advertisements were just as socially damaging as Victoria Secrets adverts. Their sexuality in their adverts is enough for me to question what are their motives? Make people want to love themselves or hant society to be like.
I look over the past and present adverts and clothing of American Apparel and I see that they want you to be comfortable in their clothing and in your skin. If you aren’t happy with the way your body looks or if you are self-concious, don’t wear their clothing.

I forced myself to run everyday just so I can fit into my $50 AA shorts.

I don’t blame them for making me self-doubt the way my body looks, that is my own fault. But maybe if they priced their items less, it would make me feel less pressured to fit my (fat) butt into them. I could just be like, 'meh, time to buy new ones’. I refused to.

Once I got them on, glorious angels went all fan-girl on me.

But as I read more and more bad things about American Apparel, do I really want to buy more clothes from them? No. I would like to save my money so I can go to school -_-

If you like their stuff, go on ahead and shop there. It is a club for the cool kids. While us dorks are wearing Hot Topic anime shirts and skinny jeans.

I don’t judge. I just envy.
My own mortal sin.

Sometimes I used to wish that my legs would be skinnier and my thighs wouldn’t touch.  But I have come to realize, society has made it out that having skinnier legs, flatter stomach, and a perfect face is beautiful today.

But it is not.  EVERY female is beautiful and mother nature’s creation. 

Don’t ever think that you need to change because it seems to be the right thing to do.

Love your body and your personality because that is what makes you a human being. 

If you are large, that is beautiful 

If you are skinny, that is beautiful 

If you are any skin color, that is beautiful 

If you are any height, that is beautiful

Anything that makes you a human being is beautiful and should be celebrated.

Not looked down upon. 

If you do not like the way your body looks, for your own PERSONAL reason, then do so.  But if it is because its a trend or you want to be like the Victoria Secret models or a runway model, then your eyesight is clouded if you cannot see the beauty when you look into the mirror.